Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Classic songs explained

  • Gordon Lightfoot - Carefree Highway (Gordon Lightfoot would not have been a good romantic partner in the 1970s)
  • Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road (a series of questionable metaphors and romantic imagery signifying nothing)
  • Elvis Costello and the Attractions - (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding (Elvis Costello and Nick Lowe despised hippies when they were young men)
  • Led Zeppelin - Ramble On (Led Zeppelin were nerds)
  • Prince - Little Red Corvette (this song is about a promiscuous woman)
  • David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes (cocaine is a hell of a drug)
  • The Rolling Stones - Tumbling Dice (women are comparable to gambling in many ways)
  • Rod Stewart - Maggie May (May-December romances rarely work out)
  • ZZ Top - La Grange (this song is about a brothel)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Top 5 teams white people support in this year's March Madness

5. Harvard
4. Gonzaga
3. Wisconsin
2. Stanford
1. Creighton

Friday, March 7, 2014

Impressive things to have listed on your resume

  • More than three degrees
  • Less than three degrees (of separation between you and Kevin Bacon)
  • Sainted by the Catholic Church
  • Invented the garburator
  • A golf score under 80 
  • A bowling score over 180
  • Selfie of you and the Dalai Lama
  • Any podium finish in a real Olympic sport
  • Google Employee of the Month
  • Close friend of James Franco
  • "I'm really wealthy and I actually don't need this job all that much"

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

People you want on your payroll, in terms of increasing wealth

  • Cobbler
  • Doctor
  • Tailor
  • Lawyer
  • Accountant
  • Driver
  • Cook
  • Priest
  • Police officer
  • Politician
  • Judge

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Top 5 songs on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

5. All of the Lights
4. Dark Fantasy
3. So Appalled
2. Power
1. Runaway

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Top 10 pie varieties

10. Lemon Meringue
9. Apple
8. Rhubarb
7. Apple
6. Pumpkin
5. Apple
4. Cherry
3. Apple
2. Apple
1. Apple