Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Top Fifteen Songs of 2008

15. Transistor Transistor – Morning Sickness
14. The Mars Volta – Wax Simulacra
13. These New Puritans – Numbers AKA Numerology
12. Dance Club Massacre – Risk is my Business… And Business is Risky
11. The Cool Kids – What Up Man
10. The Bronx – Young Bloods
9. The Virgins – She’s Expensive
8. Thursday – As He Climbed the Dark Mountain
7. The Last Shadow Puppets – The Age of the Understatement
6. Fucked Up – Son the Father
5. United Nations – The Spinning Heart of the Yo-Yo Lobby
4. Cat Power – Song to Bobby
3. Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
2. The Hold Steady – Constructive Summer
1. The Gaslight Anthem – Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts

Top Ten Albums of 2008

10. Dance Club Massacre – Circle of Death
9. The Bronx – The Bronx
8. The Last Shadow Puppets – The Age of the Understatement
7. These New Puritans – Beat Pyramid
6. Cat Power – Jukebox
5. Fucked Up – The Chemistry of Common Life
4. United Nations – United Nations
3. The Hold Steady – Stay Positive
2. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
1. The Gaslight Anthem – The '59 Sound

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Five excellently atypical Christmas songs

* Joey Ramone - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)
In which the late Ramone gives a more realistic portrayal of Christmas than any other Christmas song.
* Chuck Berry - Run, Run Rudolph
Manic and joyful, as only Chuck can do it. The Keith Richards cover is great as well.
* The Pretenders - 2000 Miles
Chrissie Hynde tones it down for a bittersweet song about distance and longing.
* Joni Mitchell - The River
Breakup, escape and the difference between California and Canada in December. Stellar.
* John Prine - Christmas in Prison
A sympathetic tale of incarceration over the holidays, featuring one of the single best lines ever written: "She reminds me of a chess game with someone I admire." Sad, funny and sweet.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Things I have blamed on Zionist plots

* Bad traffic
* The election of Arnold Schwarzenegger
* Running out of hot water in the shower
* Leftover pasta disappearing from the fridge
* September 11th
* The snub of Goodfellas at the 1991 Academy Awards
* Anything related to the postal system

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Signs of stress during finals week

* Diet becoming erratic in both scheduling and content.
* Clothes are often worn for three plus days straight.
* Things like shaving become less than an afterthought.
* Minor distractions are far more annoying than normal.
* Time flies by when you are taking a test or a break, but never when studying.
* Absentmindedness towards everything not related to exams.
* Wandering thought patterns, such as: What would happen if I could shoot lasers out of my eyes like Cyclops from the X-Men? That would be so wicked. I could just vaporize things that annoyed me. But I wouldn't want to wear the glasses all the time. That's way lame. Maybe it would be better if I could light things on fire with my mind. Like that one Stephen King book. What the fuck was its name? Damn, I can't remember. They made a movie. Let me check Wikipedia.
* A simmering hatred towards everyone.
* Firestarter, that was the one. Yeah, that would be awesome.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Top 1 Reason I Hate Blogspot

1. For deleting my post on movies I need to see through trickery and witchcraft, the pricks. Jesus Christ.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Traits common to most readers of this blog.

* Wit
* Intelligence
* Excellent taste in music and movies
* Charisma
* Good looks, with notably perfect cheekbones
* Dedication
* Very high free-throw percentage
* Could be described as a connoisseur of fine wines
* The humility to keep the fact that you once dated a Gossip Girl cast member on the down low
* Ability to make a perfect martini