Saturday, June 27, 2009

9 incredibly arbitrary wedding demands that make it unlikely I will ever marry

1. The wedding must not, directly or indirectly, cause me to miss a college or pro football game. This essentially means September through January are off limits.
2. There must be a cash bar. This will ensure only the people I like drink for free, because I'll buy drinks for my friends.
3. The first dance must be to Kiss' "I Was Made for Loving You Baby." Non-negotiable.
4. Before the dinner, a single cigarette is to be laid on each and every attendee's side plate.
5. Dollar bills must be thrown instead of rice when exiting the church.
6. If the DJ plays "Dancing Queen" or "Cadillac Ranch," the marriage is immediately annulled.
7. The priest must be a John Cleese impersonator.
8. The color scheme cannot be anything gay. No more pale pinks, purples, and yellows.
9. Finally, the following people must be invited, regardless of whether they are living, dead, or fictional:
- Clint Eastwood
- Steve McQueen
- Daffy Duck
- Vince Vaughn
- Marie Antoinette
- Captain America

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Half-year in half-review: Top ten songs, top five albums from '09's first half


10. RevoLucian - Bale Out
9. Suicide Silence - Lifted
8. Franz Ferdinand - Live Alone
7. Mastodon - Divinations
6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Zero
5. Thursday - Beyond the Visible Spectrum
4. Black Lips - Drugs
3. The Horrors - Primary Colors
2. Gallows - The Great Forgiver
1. Fake Problems - Heart BPM


5. Mastodon - Crack the Skye
4. Thursday - Common Existence
3. Gallows - Grey Britain
2. The Horrors - Primary Colors
1. Fake Problems - It's Great to Be Alive

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ten things I think are completely fucking overrated

* The Shawshank Redemption
* Greece, as a nation
* Barack Obama
* Apple products
* Terrell Owens
* Radiohead
* Born in the USA, both the album and the song
* Vodka
* The Ohio State Buckeyes football team
* IMDb

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Hardcore covers of Bruce Springsteen that I'd like to hear

Fucked Up - Jungleland
Crime in Stereo - The Rising
Defeater - Meeting Across the River
Every Time I Die - Blinded by the Light
Converge - Independence Day
This Is Hell - I'm on Fire
Gallows - The Wrestler
Coalesce - No Surrender

Friday, June 5, 2009

The first 20 songs on a random playlist and my thoughts on each

1. Rolling Stones - Midnight Rambler: This is a live version that is almost 13 minutes long. It rules.
2. Ramones - I Don't Want to Live this Life (Anymore): A rarer song by the Ramones. It sounds like all other early Ramones songs, except slow.
3. The Get Up Kids - Ten Minutes: From their live album, and one of the better ones by them.
4. Minor Threat - Screaming at a Wall: Not a huge Minor Threat fan, but this is a decent song.
5. Franz Ferdinand - Bite Hard: Finally something new. Not one of the stronger tracks on their new album, though still good.
6. The Locust - Tower of Mammal: I've never listened to this song before. It's...abrasive. And fast. Not bad.
7. Rolling Stones - Shine a Light: Another live Stones cut, and another good one.
8. Zao - Free the Three: Not liking this. Gonna guess "the Three" means the Holy Trinity. Christian bands, amirite?
9. Head Wound City - Street College: Why didn't this group make more than one EP? This is awesome.
10. Head Automatica - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Straight Edge (CHA Remix): A horrible remix by a horrible remix duo.
11. Brand New - Brothers: Great, great song. Very powerful lyrics.
12. Rolling Stones - Start Me Up: I'm starting to question the randomness of this playlist, though I do have a disproportionate amount of Stones in my collection.
13. Bleeding Through - French Inquisition: In retrospect, this band only wrote one good song. This isn't it.
14. The Killers - Losing Touch: My mom and brother love this band. I'm ambivalent, and not a fan of the horn on this song.
15. AFI - This Time Imperfect: Man, Sing the Sorrow was my jam in 2003. This song brings me back.
16. Maylene and the Sons of Disaster - Dry the River: This song is how modern Southern Rock should be played.
17. Ramones - We're a Happy Family: See above for thoughts on the Ramones.
18. These New Puritans - Numerology (aka Numbers): Inventive and catchy post-punk. Love it.
19. The Mars Volta - Ouroborous: This song is a lot better than I remember it being.
20. Jimmy Eat World - Work: This isn't Elvis Costello. I was sure we'd get one by him in 20 songs. Oh well, still a good song.