Saturday, December 31, 2011

Miscellaneous superlatives, 2011

Best new artist: The Weeknd

Biggest disappointment: Defeater - Empty Days and Sleepless Nights

Best album from 2010 that I didn't hear until 2011: letlive - Fake History

Biggest tease: Circle Takes the Square - "Here's the first four songs from our new full-length, which will be out in November"...NOPE

Annual "classic rock I got super into this year" award: Tom Petty

Most pleasant surprise: The whole Adele thing

Weirdest hipster obsession: American black metal

Most disheartening trend: ...Dubstep

Album I'm most likely to regret not listening to this year: The Men - Leave Home

Who was the hardest: Tom "Hard like a pit from a peach" Waits edges out Tyler "Harder than a motherfucking Flintstone" the Creator

Best EP, non-Glassjaw category: Trash Talk - Awake

Best album cover: Drake - Take Care

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Top 15 albums of 2011


15. Balance and Composure – Separation
14. Tom Waits – Bad as Me
13. Radiohead – The King of Limbs
12. Adele – 21
11. The Weeknd – Thursday
10. The Strokes – Angles
9. WU LYF – Go Tell Fire to the Mountain
8. Thursday – No Devolucion
7. Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
6. Cold Cave – Cherish the Light Years
5. Pianos Become the Teeth – The Lack Long After
4. The Horrors – Skying
3. Touche Amore – Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
2. Glassjaw – Coloring Book
1. Arctic Monkeys – Suck It and See

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Top 25 songs of 2011

25. Mastodon - Black Tongue
24. The Horrible Crowes - Ladykiller
23. Balance and Composure - I Tore You Apart in My Head
22. Circle Takes the Square - Enter by the Narrow Gates
21. Radiohead - Lotus Flower
20. La Dispute - King Park
19. Girls - Vomit
18. Tom Waits - Satisfied
17. Polar Bear Club - Screams in Caves
16. Bomb the Music Industry! - Vocal Coach
15. WU LYF - We Bros
14. Drake - Headlines
13. The Strokes - Gratisfaction
12. Dum Dum Girls - Wasted Away
11. Cold Cave - The Great Pan Is Dead
10. Adele - Rolling in the Deep
9. Tyler the Creator - Yonkers
8. The Weeknd - Lonely Star
7. Pianos Become the Teeth - I'll Be Damned
6. Thursday - Past and Future Ruins
5. The Horrors - Still Life
4. Fucked Up - Queen of Hearts
3. Touche Amore - Home Away From Here
2. Arctic Monkeys - Love is a Laserquest
1. Glassjaw - Daytona White

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Potential heirs to Kim Jong Il

* Kim Jong Well
* Kim Jong III
* Fidel Castro
* Kim Sean Il
* Wu Tang Clan (military junta)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Terrible bands from the '90s

  • Sugar Ray
  • Limp Bizkit
  • Pearl Jam
  • Matchbox Twenty
  • Creed
  • Goo Goo Dolls
  • Korn (who have maintained their terribleness to this very day)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Urban legends about the NFL I'm hoping to start

  • Tony Dungy is Nosferatu
  • Tom Brady and Wes Welker are secretly a couple. The Patriots locker room refers to the QB-WR tandem as "the Rainbow Connection"
  • Cam Newton only agreed to play for the Panthers after their management assured his father he would get "pay for play"
  • Rex Ryan eats a player on the Jets who underperforms in training camp every summer
  • Roger Goodell was the basis for the Daniel Plainview character in "There Will Be Blood"
  • Tim Tebow sold his soul for the Broncos starting job. Their recent success is thanks to Satan rather than God
  • The failure of the 2011 Eagles is entirely due to strife in the locker room centered around Asante Samuel's support for Israel and Brent Celek's support for Palestine
  • The Jaguars only drafted Blaine Gabbert because of his hair
  • John Madden flies all the time

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Impractical decisions I have briefly considered


  • Referring to all bands' albums by number, a la Led Zeppelin
  • Only evaluating things with regard to how "hard" they are
  • Wearing a bulletproof vest regularly
  • Only watching foreign films
  • Adopting a 28 hour sleep-wake cycle
  • Going on tour during the summer with a band as a merch guy or something
  • Fasting for a 40 hour period once every month

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Best eras for music

  • 1976-80: Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, Ramones, the Clash and Elvis Costello all release their best material. Rolling Stones with a career renaissance. Both Joy Division albums. Talking Heads with Remain in Light.
  • 1969-73: Rolling Stones at the height of their powers. Likewise for Led Zeppelin and the Who. Elton John releases all his good music. Lou Reed relevant. 
  • 1984-87: Tom Waits and Paul Westerberg of the Replacements peak as lyricists and release their best work. Prince does Purple Rain. ZZ Top becomes a commercial force, as do the Cure.
  • 2001-2004: Garage rock and new wave revival as seen with the Strokes and Hives. Influential post-hardcore albums by Thursday and Taking Back Sunday released. 
  • 2009-present: The "Wave" bands resurrect '90s punk style and ethics. Strong revival of '50s and '60s style rock. Hip-hop becomes increasingly diverse.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

RIP Thursday

10. The Other Side of the Crash
9. War All the Time
8. Stay True
7. This Side of Brightness
6. Jet Black New Year
5. For the Workforce, Drowning
4. Understanding in a Car Crash
3. Past and Future Ruins
2. As He Climbed the Dark Mountain
1. Cross Out the Eyes

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Names for NASCAR drivers that I made up

  • Earl Lancaster Sr.
  • Leonard Henderson
  • Bubba Jennings
  • Big Jon Williamson
  • Dwayne Randall Mulleton
  • Dale Earnhardt XXVII
  • Whitey McCracker

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Musical surprises for 2011


  • That the Weeknd appeals to me at all
  • More new Glassjaw material after nearly nine years of nothing
  • Similarly, the first new Circle Takes the Square and Tom Waits material since 2004
  • That Adele's 21 is both the best-selling album and one of the best albums of the year
  • The groundswell of bands influenced by '50s and '60s rock and R 'n B (Dum Dum Girls, Wavves, Black Lips, Girls, etc.)
  • Fiercely independent groups with strong aesthetic vision getting a lot of media attention (Odd Future, Trash Talk, WU LYF)
  • The original lineup of Black Sabbath reuniting (I guess)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Unexplained mysteries

  • My insatiable appetite for mac 'n cheese
  • What exactly dubstep is
  • How the Niners are 7-1 with Alex Smith at QB
  • What Mulholland Drive is about
  • The career renaissance of Jennifer Lopez
  • Why, if the economy is so awful, everyone in Iowa City drives brand new muscle cars
  • If there is no sin in Heaven, but man was allowed to sin because God gave him free will, does that mean in Heaven free will doesn't exist?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Annoying things


  • The growth rate of fingernails (too fast!)
  • When you have a really well worn-in pair of shoes, but then it rains, and your feet get soaked, and you know it's time to put the ol' Vans out to pasture
  • Burning yourself on the oven
  • Pins and needles
  • People complaining about law school on Facebook
  • Pizzas sliced into anything other than quarters (for 1-2 people)
  • Running out of beer
  • Ads on Youtube
  • Having to hear about how bad the Lou Reed/Metallica album is all the time (yeah, no shit that's going to be bad, when was the last time those two produced anything good?)
  • Not being able to grow a mustache
  • Weezer

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Reactions my dad has to contemporary music


  • On Kanye West: "Someone needs to tell these people [Kanye, Jay-Z, Rick Ross, et al.] they're not descended from pharaohs."
  • On Vampire Weekend: "Too poppy for me."
  • On the Gaslight Anthem and Fake Problems: "That's Tom Waits [influence] right there."
  • On Lady Gaga: "Is Lady Gaga a man or a woman?"
  • On Radiohead: "I prefer music that can be reproduced live."
  • On the Strokes: "They went L.A."
  • On Adele: "She killed Amy [Winehouse]."
  • On Arctic Monkeys: "I'm impressed by them."


Sunday, October 23, 2011

Bands/musicians I have never listened to

* Willie Nelson
* Parliament-Funkadelic
* Bad Brains
* NWA
* Patti Smith
* Sly & the Family Stone
* The Stooges
* Bjork
* Public Enemy
* Earth, Wind & Fire

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Underrepresented topics on this blog


  • Country, hip-hop and electronic music
  • John Cusack movies
  • Politics (not likely to change)
  • Intriguing facial hair
  • Bizarre headlines
  • Twin Peaks
  • Urban culture
  • Apple products
  • The Beach Boys
  • Conspiracy theories
  • Parks and Recreation

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Underused phrases

* Primordial ooze
* Fly by night
* Perennial contender
* To/in the chops
* That's where you're wrong
* Banshee-like appearance
* Questionable integrity
* Long dormant

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Reactions to the first quarter of the NFL season

* Tony Romo is the most inconsistent quarterback ever
* The Lions are an actual good team
* Aaron Rodgers is going to the Hall of Fame
* The Colts are nothing without Peyton Manning
* The Eagles were maybe a little overhyped
* The emergence of Trent Dilfer as a legitimate analyst is sickening
*  The Steelers O-line is not so good
* Jon Kitna sill haunts the league with his mediocre presence
* The following teams are frontrunners in the Luck Lotto: Indianapolis, Miami, Seattle, Denver

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Fuck the Rocky Horror Picture Show: 10 good-to-great cult movies released in the last 25 years


* Big Trouble in Little China
* The Room
* Office Space
* The Big Lebowski
* Army of Darkness
* Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
* Brick
* Requiem for a Dream
* Rushmore
* Fight Club

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Top 5 Rolling Stones albums *

5. Tattoo You
4. Exile on Main Street
3. Some Girls
2. Let It Bleed
1. Sticky Fingers

* As with all my Stones lists, this is subject to (and likely will) change

Monday, September 19, 2011

Differences between law school and undergrad


  • Essentially no assignments
  • Students constantly grilled by professors
  • Everyone isn't always checking Facebook in class
  • Mountains of reading that must actually be done (horror of horrors!)
  • Eight hour days on the reg
  • No obnoxious sycophants wasting everyone else's time
  • Professors are more willing to hear, and make, jokes (at least in my classes)
  • Use more than one pen per semester

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

American cities and the TV shows set in them (non-comprehensive)


  • Boston: Cheers
  • New York: NYPD Blue, Mad Men, Seinfeld, How I Met Your Mother, All in the Family, Law & Order
  • Philadelphia: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  • Atlanta: Presumably all Tyler Perry shows
  • Baltimore: The Wire
  • Washington: The West Wing
  • Miami: CSI: Miami, Dexter, Miami Vice
  • New Orleans: Treme
  • Dallas: Dallas
  • Houston: Reba
  • Cleveland: The Drew Carey Show
  • Cincinnati: WKRP in Cincinnati
  • Lexington: Justified
  • Detroit: Home Improvement, Detroit 1-8-7
  • Chicago: The Chicago Code, According to Jim, ER, Married...with Children
  • Milwaukee: Happy Days
  • Twin Cities: The Mary Tyler Moore Show
  • Denver: Dynasty
  • Albuquerque: Breaking Bad
  • Tucson: Sons of Tucson
  • Phoenix: Medium
  • Las Vegas: CSI
  • Seattle: Frasier
  • Portland: Portlandia
  • San Francisco: Dharma and Greg
  • Los Angeles: Beverly Hills 90210, Beverly Hillbillies, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm
  • Honolulu: Hawaii Five-O
  • Cities I couldn't think of/find shows for: Kansas City, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Salt Lake City, Pittsburgh, San Antonio, Orlando, Memphis, Oklahoma City, Nashville, Sacramento

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Current bands I don't like that will undeniably be regarded as part of the indie rock canon in the future

* Animal Collective
* LCD Soundsystem
* The White Stripes
* Arcade Fire
* TV on the Radio
* Wilco
* Sigur Ros

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Blatant attempt to increase my pageviews

Kardashian
Sex
Libya
Justin Bieber
Hurricane
Michelle Bachmann
Glee
Jennifer Aniston
Angelina Jolie
Brad Pitt
Tea Party
Free money
Free iphone

Monday, August 29, 2011

Great album covers


















Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Most anticipated albums of the fall

* Tom Waits - Bad As Me
* The Horrible Crowes - Elsie
* La Dispute - Wildlife
* Circle Takes the Square - Decompositions Volume I
* Polar Bear Club - Clash Battle Guilt Pride
* The Weeknd - Echoes of Silence
* Mastodon - The Hunter

Friday, August 19, 2011

The only things I drink on anything approaching a regular basis

* Water
* Beer
* Whiskey
* Instant mix stuff (lemonade, Kool-Aid)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Things that leave me cold

* Soccer
* The "plight" of Quebec
* Guns N' Roses
* Winter
* Reality programming of any kind
* Bob Dylan
* The career of Colin Farrell
* Greece's debt crisis

Thursday, August 11, 2011

First impressions of Iowa City

* Not a dump, unlike South Bend
* Very green
* Much larger campus than I'm used to
* Cicadas: Very loud
* Not every fucking thing references Irish culture (thankfully)
* Everyone drives very fast
* Everyone is polite (I suspect this has to do with being relatively far from Chicago)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

States I have been to (as of August 7, 2011)

* Washington
* California
* Idaho
* Utah
* Arizona
* Montana
* Wyoming
* North Dakota
* South Dakota
* Minnesota
* Iowa
* Wisconsin
* Illinois
* Indiana
* Michigan

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Revised Top 10 Favorite Songs of All Time

10. Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
9. The Velvet Underground - Sweet Jane
8. The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
7. Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
6. The Gaslight Anthem - Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts
5. Elvis Costello - Alison
4. The Rolling Stones - Angie
3. The Replacements - Left of the Dial
2. Tom Waits - Downtown Train
1. The Strokes - Last Nite

Monday, July 25, 2011

Reactions to various status updates from Facebook friends who will go unnamed here

* Deadmau5 is terrible, and you obviously know nothing about house. Please refrain from listening to music in the future.
* Your entertainingly high level of self-delusion is the only reason I haven't blocked you.
* Okay, that's actually pretty funny.
* You're on this site too often.
* Please just find a tenth person for this fantasy league so we can get it going.
* You haven't changed as a person since you were 15. It frightens me that you're becoming a teacher.
* The smartass comments you leave remind me why we're friends. Never stop.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Five things I love about hot showers

* They let you think about the day ahead
* Conversely, you can stop worrying about things and just let your mind wander
* It's like being wrapped in a blanket of warmth
* Gives you a few minutes to yourself to listen to music and relax
* So fresh, so clean

Monday, July 18, 2011

Six reasons I'm stoked about the return of Breaking Bad

* A (sort-of) resolution to last season's cliffhanger
* The show seems committed to escalating the insanity and intensity with every season
* The year plus gap between this season and the last makes the wait for the new Batman movie more bearable by comparison
* Walter White is probably the only television character who fundamentally changes over the course of the series
* The acting is consistently great
* It's the best show on television by a wide margin

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Names of actual music genres

* Chillwave
* Witch house
* Deathcore
* Dubstep
* Rapegaze (the same thing as witch house)
* Power violence
* Hyphy
* Digital hardcore
* Punk funk
* Drone doom
* Skramz

Friday, July 8, 2011

Abysmal songs

* Don McLean - American Pie
* Big and Rich - Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
* Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (Actually, almost everything they've done could be included here)
* Hoobastank - The Reason
* Guns N' Roses - Knockin' On Heaven's Door
* Starship - We Built This City
* Olivia Newton John and John Travolta - Summer Nights (possibly my least favorite song ever)
* John Lennon - Imagine
* Kid Rock - All Summer Long
* Rod Stewart - Downtown Train
* Limp Bizkit - My Generation
* The Eagles - Hotel California

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Five neo-noir films to see if you are unfamiliar with the genre

* L.A. Confidential
* Blue Velvet
* The Big Lebowski
* Vertigo
* The Long Goodbye

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Best albums and songs of 2011 so far

Albums:
• Radiohead – The King of Limbs
• The Strokes – Angles
• Glassjaw – Coloring Book EP
• Touché Amore – Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
• Arctic Monkeys – Suck It and See
• Adele – 21
• Thursday – No Devolucion
• Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
• Cold Cave - Cherish the Light Years

Songs:
• Radiohead – Lotus Flower
• Glassjaw – Black Nurse
• The Strokes – Gratisfaction
• Bright Eyes – Shell Games
• Touché Amore – The Great Repetition
• Balance and Composure - I Tore You Apart In My Head
• Arctic Monkeys – That’s Where You’re Wrong
• Adele – Rolling in the Deep
• The Weeknd – High For This
• Thursday – Past and Future Ruins
• Fucked Up – A Little Death
• Tyler the Creator – Yonkers
• Cold Cave - Catacombs

Honorable mention: These WU LYF guys seem to warrant further investigation as well.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The pros and cons of Gangs of New York

Pros:
* Daniel Day-Lewis gives a stunning performance
* Brendan Gleeson is pretty good in it too
* Fight scenes are all fairly cool
* Costumes and setpieces are really good, lots of top hats
* Liam Neeson's role is basically a cameo, but it's the best thing he's done in ages
* DDL's accent is ridiculous and awesome
* The Tammany Hall subplot works pretty well
* It's fun to analyze the power structures of the film

Cons:
* Any scene with Cameron Diaz is basically unwatchable
* John C. Reilly is mostly wasted
* The Civil War subplot doesn't quite work
* The ending really kills the movies momentum
* Too much Irish music (aka: any at all)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Foods I dislike

* Asparagus
* Shellfish (especially lobster)
* Mustard
* Olives
* Blue cheese
* Tofu (just on principle, I've never tried it)
* Peanut butter

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Things to do at work when you're bored

* Repeat the chorus to "(The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes" over in your head a thousand times
* Think about your upcoming fantasy football team
* Stare aimlessly
* Practice throwing bottle caps into the trash
* Think about Batman
* Have meaningless conversations with co-workers, especially about how little there is to do
* Plan silly lists like this

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Things that have happened since the Chicago Cubs last won the world series

* World War One, World War Two and the Cold War
* The following 18 men became president: Taft, Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama
* Haley's Comet has passed Earth twice
* Everyone I have ever met was born (except for Gene Autry, he was born the week before the Cubs won)
* Air travel has become common
* The Age of Imperialism ended
* The Chicago White Sox and Boston Red Sox both won the pennant

Monday, May 30, 2011

The 5 best American rock bands today *

* This bears some explaining: I consider an American rock band to express a certain sonic association with the qualities of America (this need not be outward patriotism though). For example, the Hold Steady would probably have been the best in 2007, the Strokes in 2002, or Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in 1984. So for 2011, I think they are:

5. Best Coast
4. Black Lips
3. The National
2. Fake Problems
1. The Gaslight Anthem

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Thoughts on states I drove through on the way home from college

Indiana: It never changes. The northwestern part is all the same. Cornfields everywhere, super flat.
Illinois: Chicago traffic is miserable, the landscape is boring, and the storm we drove through in the north later turned into the tornadoes that killed all those people in Missouri.
Wisconsin: Nice trees and hills. Good hunting territory one would suppose. Beer, cheese and ice cream are all cheap, so that's cool.
Minnesota: Kind of bland, but driving through Twin Cities was a breeze compared to Chicago.
North Dakota: Much cooler than I thought it would be. The badlands-type landscape out west was especially wild. Everything is cheap, and the oil towns were surreal.
Montana: Everything was either under construction or water. Weather sucked. Some of the vistas were really striking though - all wide open, still having that American Frontier sort of feel.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Things I'd rather be doing than studying for finals

* Wading through my Netflix queue
* Hanging out with my college friends while we all still live in the same town
* Golfing
* Going grocery shopping (seriously, we have literally no food)
* Not forgetting to shave
* Grilling
* Scouring the internet for the inevitable leak of Touche Amore's new album
* Just about anything

Friday, May 6, 2011

Top 10 movie villains

10. Lee Strasberg's Hyman Roth in the Godfather Part II
9. Andy Robinson's Scorpio in Dirty Harry
8. Javier Bardem's Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men
7. Christoph Waltz's Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds
6. Anthony Perkins' Norman Bates in Psycho
5. Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth in Blue Velvet
4. Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber in Die Hard
3. John Huston's Noah Cross in Chinatown
2. Gene Hackman's Little Bill in Unforgiven
1. Daniel Day-Lewis' Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Books I read for this semester's English class, in order of preference

1. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
2. Trout Fishing in America by Richard Brautigan
3. Turn of the Screw by Henry James
4. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
5. Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow
6. Dubliners by James Joyce
7. Paddy Clarke, Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle
8. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
9. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
10. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Monday, April 25, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Possible reasons this post is so late and terribly uninspired

* A paper about Modernist architecture
* A paper about the constrictions of media, specifically in film and novels
* Spring allergies
* Last month of college is busy
* Slipped my mind
* A paper about the music video for "Yonkers" by Tyler the Creator

Friday, April 15, 2011

Movies I'd recommend to my parents

* Lost in Translation
* American Splendor
* Pan's Labyrinth
* The Social Network
* Divorce, Italian Style
* The Prestige
* Miller's Crossing
* True Grit

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Things I would buy if I were rich, in terms of increasing decadence

* Custom tailored suits
* A new luxury car
* A cabin
* An old (pre-90s) luxury car
* A beach house
* A private theater
* A beach house in a country that requires a flight to get to
* A home designed by Frank Lloyd Wright
* An island
* The Miami Dolphins

Monday, April 4, 2011

Great directors who have never won an Academy Award for directing

* Stanley Kubrick
* Alfred Hitchcock
* Federico Fellini
* David Fincher
* Akira Kurosawa
* Paul Thomas Anderson
* David Lynch
* Christopher Nolan
* Sidney Lumet

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Top 10 Strokes songs

10. 11th Dimension
9. You Only Live Once
8. Under Cover of Darkness
7. Gratisfaction
6. Take It or Leave It
5. 12:51
4. Someday
3. Reptilia
2. Hard to Explain
1. Last Nite

Friday, March 25, 2011

Top 5 Jack Nicholson movies

5. The Departed
4. About Schmidt
3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
2. The Shining
1. Chinatown

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Lists I'd like to make, but I'm sick and don't want to think too much so I'll just give you the titles

* Seven great ways to bust your bracket
* Top ten most gangster Rolling Stones lyrics
* Five signs the world is coming to an end
* Dapper dictators
* Reasons "Absalom, Absalom!" is unlike any other book I've ever read
* Why grilling is just the best thing ever
* Top ten Strokes songs

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Ten albums I would add if I were to expand my top twenty albums of the decade to thirty

* Glassjaw - Worship and Tribute
* Radiohead - Kid A
* The Strokes - Room on Fire
* Brand New - Deja Entendu
* The Good Life - Album of the Year
* Crime in Stereo - Is Dead
* Bright Eyes - Lifted, or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground
* The Mars Volta - Frances the Mute
* Cursive - The Ugly Organ
* At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command

Friday, March 11, 2011

Songs to listen to for advice in very specific situations

* When you hate the other famous person in your band: The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now
* If you're very bored on a Friday night and want to get 40s: The Strokes - 12:51
* If you have suddenly died: John Prine - Please Don't Bury Me
* When you're being hit with with a patrimony suit: The Rolling Stones - Some Girls
* If your ex-girlfriend suddenly appears with a luxury automobile: The Clash - Brand New Cadillac
* If you're considering an abortion: Graham Parker - You Can't Be Too Strong
* When you've just been diagnosed with Crohn's disease: Glassjaw - Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Silence
* If your band has been screwed over by your manager: A Wilhelm Scream - I Wipe My Ass With Showbiz

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Celebrities I share a birthday with

* Justin Bieber
* Ke$ha
* Javier Bardem
* Ron Howard
* Roger Daltrey
* Booker T
* Harry Belafonte

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

5 terms to use if you want to appear intelligent in a college lecture class

* Rape subtext
* Self-reflexivity
* Patriarchal worldview
* Surrealistic
* Meta-commentary

Friday, February 18, 2011

Top 5 current TV shows

5. Archer
4. Justified
3. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
2. Mad Men
1. Breaking Bad

Honorable mentions: Community, Futurama

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Fast food burger places ranked from best to worst

* Wendy's
* Five Guys
* McDonald's
* A & W
* Jack in the Box
* Dairy Queen
* White Castle
* Culver's
* Sonic
* Steak 'n Shake
* Burger King

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Lessons I learned from famous authors

* Dan Brown: People will believe any lie you tell them if you dress it up enough.
* Emily Bronte: If you have the worst life of all time, you'll write the worst book of all time.
* Stephen King: Maine is a horrific state.
* F. Scott Fitzgerald: Sometimes you get good ideas when you're drunk.
* Stephenie Meyer: Girls are fucking stupid.
* William Faulkner (and James Joyce, I suppose): Normal rules don't apply to great talents.
* JD Salinger, Thomas Pynchon and (to a somewhat lesser degree) Cormac McCarthy: Never talk to anyone and everyone will love you forever.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Potential thesis titles for my non-existent thesis

* Building a House: The Decline of the Wild West, as seen in Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven"
* How Come You Taste So Good: Changing Attitudes Among African-American Women towards the Rolling Stones' "Brown Sugar," 1971-2011
* America's Native Spirit: The Development of Bourbon in the United States
* Laces Out, Dan!: The Curious Failure of Dan Marino
* Last Name Rare, First Name Quite: An Examination of Canadian Jews

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Republican actors

* Vince Vaughn
* Adam Sandler
* James Woods (a registered Democrat, but a supporter of Bush, the Iraq War, Israel and Rudy Giuliani)
* Steve McQueen
* Dennis Hopper
* Bruce Willis (-ish)
* Jimmy Stewart
* Kelsey Grammer
* Jon Voight

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Top 10 Simpsons episodes

10. 22 Short Films about Springfield
9. A Star is Burns
8. Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
7. Mountain of Madness
6. A Fish Called Selma
5. Homer's Enemy
4. Deep Space Homer
3. Krusty Gets Kancelled
2. Marge vs. the Monorail
1. You Only Move Twice

Friday, January 21, 2011

Top 5 potential replacements for Steve Carrell on the Office

5. Jon Stewart
4. Bryan Cranston
3. Jeffrey Tambor
2. Fred Willard
1. William H. Macy

Saturday, January 15, 2011

6 lesser known racial stereotypes

* Europeans don't fully understand electricity
* Black women hate hardcore (and presumably all fast, loud, aggressive music)
* Argentineans are snobs
* Canadians love Mayo
* Italians are fascinated by watches
* Eastern Europeans expect poor customer service

Monday, January 10, 2011

Predictions for 2011

* There will be NFL games in September
* Dubstep will become even more widely known, more of a joke
* The tenth anniversary of 9/11 will be marked by divisive, inflammatory rhetoric in the media (bold prediction, I know)
* My favorite album of the year will be by a hardcore band
* In June, many sports journalists will write articles discussing a possible sea change in the NBA due to the Lakers not making the Finals
* The economy will begin to turnaround in earnest, but not until the fall
* I will continue giving zero fucks about the following: James Blake, professional hockey, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, those Stieg Larsson books everyone seems to be reading, any political blog
* Abe Vigoda will be partying with the rest of the world on New Year's Eve

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Years musicians should have died if they wanted to leave their musical legacies untarnished

* Elton John: 1974
* The Rolling Stones: 1982
* Elvis Costello: Halfway through the recording sessions for "Trust" in the fall of 1980
* The Beatles: 1967
* Rod Stewart: 1975
* Bruce Springsteen: Anytime between 1984 and 1990
* Michael Jackson: Same
* The Who: 1971
* ZZ Top: Never

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Most anticipated albums of 2011

* The Strokes
* Pissed Jeans
* Arctic Monkeys
* Every Time I Die
* Fucked Up
* Thursday
* Touche Amore
* Glassjaw
* Radiohead
* Black Lips
* The Bronx / Mariachi El Bronx
* Gallows