Saturday, December 31, 2011

Miscellaneous superlatives, 2011

Best new artist: The Weeknd

Biggest disappointment: Defeater - Empty Days and Sleepless Nights

Best album from 2010 that I didn't hear until 2011: letlive - Fake History

Biggest tease: Circle Takes the Square - "Here's the first four songs from our new full-length, which will be out in November"...NOPE

Annual "classic rock I got super into this year" award: Tom Petty

Most pleasant surprise: The whole Adele thing

Weirdest hipster obsession: American black metal

Most disheartening trend: ...Dubstep

Album I'm most likely to regret not listening to this year: The Men - Leave Home

Who was the hardest: Tom "Hard like a pit from a peach" Waits edges out Tyler "Harder than a motherfucking Flintstone" the Creator

Best EP, non-Glassjaw category: Trash Talk - Awake

Best album cover: Drake - Take Care

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Top 15 albums of 2011

15. Balance and Composure – Separation
14. Tom Waits – Bad as Me
13. Radiohead – The King of Limbs
12. Adele – 21
11. The Weeknd – Thursday
10. The Strokes – Angles
9. WU LYF – Go Tell Fire to the Mountain
8. Thursday – No Devolucion
7. Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
6. Cold Cave – Cherish the Light Years
5. Pianos Become the Teeth – The Lack Long After
4. The Horrors – Skying
3. Touche Amore – Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
2. Glassjaw – Coloring Book
1. Arctic Monkeys – Suck It and See

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Top 25 songs of 2011

25. Mastodon - Black Tongue
24. The Horrible Crowes - Ladykiller
23. Balance and Composure - I Tore You Apart in My Head
22. Circle Takes the Square - Enter by the Narrow Gates
21. Radiohead - Lotus Flower
20. La Dispute - King Park
19. Girls - Vomit
18. Tom Waits - Satisfied
17. Polar Bear Club - Screams in Caves
16. Bomb the Music Industry! - Vocal Coach
15. WU LYF - We Bros
14. Drake - Headlines
13. The Strokes - Gratisfaction
12. Dum Dum Girls - Wasted Away
11. Cold Cave - The Great Pan Is Dead
10. Adele - Rolling in the Deep
9. Tyler the Creator - Yonkers
8. The Weeknd - Lonely Star
7. Pianos Become the Teeth - I'll Be Damned
6. Thursday - Past and Future Ruins
5. The Horrors - Still Life
4. Fucked Up - Queen of Hearts
3. Touche Amore - Home Away From Here
2. Arctic Monkeys - Love is a Laserquest
1. Glassjaw - Daytona White

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Potential heirs to Kim Jong Il

* Kim Jong Well
* Kim Jong III
* Fidel Castro
* Kim Sean Il
* Wu Tang Clan (military junta)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Terrible bands from the '90s

  • Sugar Ray
  • Limp Bizkit
  • Pearl Jam
  • Matchbox Twenty
  • Creed
  • Goo Goo Dolls
  • Korn (who have maintained their terribleness to this very day)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Urban legends about the NFL I'm hoping to start

  • Tony Dungy is Nosferatu
  • Tom Brady and Wes Welker are secretly a couple. The Patriots locker room refers to the QB-WR tandem as "the Rainbow Connection"
  • Cam Newton only agreed to play for the Panthers after their management assured his father he would get "pay for play"
  • Rex Ryan eats a player on the Jets who underperforms in training camp every summer
  • Roger Goodell was the basis for the Daniel Plainview character in "There Will Be Blood"
  • Tim Tebow sold his soul for the Broncos starting job. Their recent success is thanks to Satan rather than God
  • The failure of the 2011 Eagles is entirely due to strife in the locker room centered around Asante Samuel's support for Israel and Brent Celek's support for Palestine
  • The Jaguars only drafted Blaine Gabbert because of his hair
  • John Madden flies all the time

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Impractical decisions I have briefly considered

  • Referring to all bands' albums by number, a la Led Zeppelin
  • Only evaluating things with regard to how "hard" they are
  • Wearing a bulletproof vest regularly
  • Only watching foreign films
  • Adopting a 28 hour sleep-wake cycle
  • Going on tour during the summer with a band as a merch guy or something
  • Fasting for a 40 hour period once every month