Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Reasons why leap years are the worst


  • They always sneak up on you - they're infrequent enough that you always forget
  • February is easily the worst month of the year - why make it longer?
  • Total inconsistency between years
  • Have to deal with the lame "jokes" about dividing birthdays by four for people actually born on the 29th
  • Have to wait longer for the Summer Olympics
  • Screws up relationship between dates and days of the week (ie: Christmas was on Saturday in 2010, Sunday in 2011 and will be on Tuesday this year)
  • Try being a kid with a March 1st birthday

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Last minute Oscar predictions

  • The Artist will win every award, even in categories it isn't nominated in
  • In fact, it will be so popular with the Academy that they will invent categories to award it, including "Best Mustache" and "Best Use of John Goodman"
  • Billy Crystal will be so irritating that he will burst into flame as a result of the collective loathing directed at him by the millions watching
  • Gary Oldman will lose in a quiet and dignified manner, knowing his performance as Commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight Rises has an Oscar locked up in 2013
  • The biggest gaffe will be the shot of Michael J. Fox at the end of the "In Memoriam" montage
  • America will once again realize that it didn't watch any of the nominated movies, and will bitterly complain that Transformers: Dark of the Moon was ignored
  • I'll regret not watching the NBA All-Star Game instead
  • o/u on Jack Nicholson reaction shots: 3.5

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Top 20 Albums of All Time

20. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America
19. Brand New - The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me
18. Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
17. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Damn the Torpedoes
16. Talking Heads - Remain in Light
15. Radiohead - Kid A
14. Elvis Costello and the Attractions - Get Happy!!
13. Joy Division - Closer
12. Converge - Jane Doe
11. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights
10. Prince and the Revolution - Purple Rain
9. Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare
8. Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
7. Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
6. The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
5. Ramones - Rocket to Russia
4. Elvis Costello and the Attractions - This Year's Model
3. The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers
2. The Replacements - Tim
1. The Strokes - Is This It

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Reflections and realizations after a week of listening to nothing but the Rolling Stones

  • Sticky Fingers is still my favorite Stones album, in fact, it's definitely one of my favorite albums ever
  • The number of live Stones albums is TOO DAMN HIGH (seriously, they've saturated that market)
  • Out of Our Heads is a near-masterpiece overlooked due to being one of their early albums
  • Here is a list of underrated songs: Tops, I Am Waiting, Ruby Tuesday, One Hit (To the Body), Monkey Man, Thru and Thru, 100 Years Ago
  • "Sway" is Mick's best vocal performance
  • I still can't get into Beggar's Banquet
  • Side two of Tattoo You is excellent late-night listening
  • Seriously, "One Hit (To the Body)" is really good. I know it's from the '80s, but it's incredible
  • I am a big enough Rolling Stones fan to listen to nothing else for a whole week and still not get sick of them

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Top ten episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

10. Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens
9. The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
8. Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person
7. CharDee MacDennis: The Game of Games
6. The Nightman Cometh
5. Frank's Pretty Woman
4. The Gang Gets Racist
3. Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass
2. The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis
1. Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Prop bets for the Super Bowl

  • Minutes of game-time elapsed before Rob Gronkowski's injury is mentioned: o/u 3:00
  • Number of unsightly, bulging neck veins visible in HD on Madonna: o/u 6.5
  • John Madden replacing Chris Collinsworth at halftime: +5000
  • Number of booth shots of Peyton Manning looking forlorn: o/u 3.5
  • Minutes elapsed between kickoff and the first Bud Light commercial, in real time: o/u 4:30
  • Eli first displaying Manning face before halftime: -300
  • Questionable Tom Coughlin challenges: o/u 1.5
  • Player other than Tom Brady or Eli Manning winning the MVP: +1000
  • Chris Collinsworth describing an offensive unit by starting the sentence with "You know, these guys...": -2000
  • Shots of Belichick scowling: o/u 24.5