Sunday, February 26, 2012

Last minute Oscar predictions

  • The Artist will win every award, even in categories it isn't nominated in
  • In fact, it will be so popular with the Academy that they will invent categories to award it, including "Best Mustache" and "Best Use of John Goodman"
  • Billy Crystal will be so irritating that he will burst into flame as a result of the collective loathing directed at him by the millions watching
  • Gary Oldman will lose in a quiet and dignified manner, knowing his performance as Commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight Rises has an Oscar locked up in 2013
  • The biggest gaffe will be the shot of Michael J. Fox at the end of the "In Memoriam" montage
  • America will once again realize that it didn't watch any of the nominated movies, and will bitterly complain that Transformers: Dark of the Moon was ignored
  • I'll regret not watching the NBA All-Star Game instead
  • o/u on Jack Nicholson reaction shots: 3.5

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