Saturday, September 29, 2012

People who would probably star in Oliver Stone's boring, largely unwatched adaptation of this election cycle

  • Will Smith as Barack Obama
  • Bruce Campbell as Mitt Romney*
  • Beyonce or who-the-fuck-ever as Michelle Obama
  • Amy Poehler as I don't know Mitt's wife's name or appearance
  • Blah blah blah who cares
* Wouldn't this be perfect?! I mean, come on! Seriously, I came up with this on my own**

** Yes, this was the larger impetus for the list

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Lyrics from Cruel Summer that would make for terrible tattoos

  • I done sold purple / I done sold white
  • I never hit a woman never in my life
  • Built a house up on that ass / That's an ass-tate
  • I rather buy 80 gold chains and go ign'ant
  • 10 AM, it's West Side bitch
  • Way too cold, I promise you'll need some Theraflu
  • The jeans cost five hundred / Fuck
  • Shoe game out of this world / I outer space 'em
  • You think you me, but you ain't me

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Top 25 Hardcore Songs of the Last 15 Years

25. Dangers - Check, Please
24. Botch - C. Thomas Howell as the "Soul Man"
23. Modern Life Is War - D.E.A.D.R.A.M.O.N.E.S
22. Gallows - Orchestra of Wolves
21. Xibalba - Sentenced
20. Touche Amore - Home Away From Here
19. Blacklisted - Stations
18. Poison the Well - Ghostchant
17. Thrice - Deadbolt
16. At the Drive-In - Arcarsenal
15. The Bronx - Heart Attack American
14. Defeater - The Red, White and Blues
13. Misery Signals - The Year Summer Ended in June
12. Give Up the Ghost - Love American
11. This Is Hell - Permanence
10. A Wilhelm Scream - Bulletproof Tiger
9. Glassjaw - Siberian Kiss
8. Dillinger Escape Plan - Sunshine the Werewolf
7. Pissed Jeans - False Jesii, pt. 2
6. Ceremony - Into the Wayside Part I / Sick
5. Every Time I Die - I Been Gone a Long Time
4. Crime in Stereo - XXXX (The First 1000 Years of Solitude)
3. Fucked Up - Son the Father
2. Converge - Thaw
1.Refused - New Noise

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Potential new judges on American Idol

  • Sandra Day O'Connor
  • B.B. King
  • The Arizona Cardinals
  • Whitney Houston (a "Weekend at Bernie's" type situation)
  • Judge Reinhold
  • All the other members of Aerosmith
  • A magic eight ball

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

September power rankings

  1. Fantasy football
  2. USC Trojans
  3. "Little Red Corvette" by Prince
  4. Political histrionics
  5. Alabama Crimson Tide
  6. Women in David Lynch productions
  7. Leaves on Midwestern trees during the fall
  8. Breaking Bad
  9. LSU Tigers
  10. The xx
Dropped from rankings: Proximity to Wendy's, summer vacation, summer in general, being near major metropolitan areas, having free time

Also receiving votes: "Sign o' the Times" by Prince, "The Master," Bill Murray, the Rolling Stones, favorable class schedules