Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Classic songs explained

  • Gordon Lightfoot - Carefree Highway (Gordon Lightfoot would not have been a good romantic partner in the 1970s)
  • Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road (a series of questionable metaphors and romantic imagery signifying nothing)
  • Elvis Costello and the Attractions - (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding (Elvis Costello and Nick Lowe despised hippies when they were young men)
  • Led Zeppelin - Ramble On (Led Zeppelin were nerds)
  • Prince - Little Red Corvette (this song is about a promiscuous woman)
  • David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes (cocaine is a hell of a drug)
  • The Rolling Stones - Tumbling Dice (women are comparable to gambling in many ways)
  • Rod Stewart - Maggie May (May-December romances rarely work out)
  • ZZ Top - La Grange (this song is about a brothel)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Top 5 teams white people support in this year's March Madness

5. Harvard
4. Gonzaga
3. Wisconsin
2. Stanford
1. Creighton

Friday, March 7, 2014

Impressive things to have listed on your resume

  • More than three degrees
  • Less than three degrees (of separation between you and Kevin Bacon)
  • Sainted by the Catholic Church
  • Invented the garburator
  • A golf score under 80 
  • A bowling score over 180
  • Selfie of you and the Dalai Lama
  • Any podium finish in a real Olympic sport
  • Google Employee of the Month
  • Close friend of James Franco
  • "I'm really wealthy and I actually don't need this job all that much"

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

People you want on your payroll, in terms of increasing wealth

  • Cobbler
  • Doctor
  • Tailor
  • Lawyer
  • Accountant
  • Driver
  • Cook
  • Priest
  • Police officer
  • Politician
  • Judge

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Top 5 songs on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

5. All of the Lights
4. Dark Fantasy
3. So Appalled
2. Power
1. Runaway

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Top 10 pie varieties

10. Lemon Meringue
9. Apple
8. Rhubarb
7. Apple
6. Pumpkin
5. Apple
4. Cherry
3. Apple
2. Apple
1. Apple

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Top 10 Franz Ferdinand songs

10. Do You Want To
9. Evil Eye
8. The Dark of the Matinee
7. Right Action
6. Twilight Omens
5. Outsiders
4. You Could Have It So Much Better
3. Jacqueline
2. The Fallen
1. Take Me Out

Friday, January 31, 2014

Classic rock acts that I could potentially get really into this year, ranked from least to most likely

  • The Grateful Dead
  • The Eagles
  • Bob Dylan
  • Fleetwood Mac
  • Jefferson Airplane
  • The Beatles
  • The Allman Brothers
  • Smokey Robinson
  • Kraftwerk
  • The Stooges
  • The Velvet Underground
  • Sly and the Family Stone
  • Neil Young
  • The Who
  • Roxy Music

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Top 5 aliases on Parks and Recreation

5. The Douche
4. Janet Snakehole
3. Enrique Shotwave
2. Bert Macklin
1. Duke Silver

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Secrets of the last Vampire Weekend album

  • "Hannah Hunt" is about Lena Dunham
  • Chad Kroeger of Nickelback ghost-wrote "Diane Young"
  • It is secretly a concept album about Chris Baio's jealousy over the success of his second cousin Scott Baio
  • No member of the band had ever heard Paul Simon's "Graceland" until halfway through production of Modern Vampires of the City
  • It was recorded with active contempt for its audience
  • Ezra Koenig got most of the lyrics off Twitter
  • Its main musical influence was OMC's mid-90s hit "How Bizarre"

Friday, January 17, 2014

Female vocal performances I'm particularly fond of

  • Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
  • Patsy Cline - Crazy
  • The Pretenders - Back on the Chain Gang
  • The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me
  • Self Defense Family - Mistress Appears at Funeral
  • Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
  • Blondie - Heart of Glass
  • Joni Mitchell - River
  • Adele - Someone Like You
  • Best Coast - Boyfriend

Friday, January 10, 2014

Great performances in film by women

  • Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween
  • Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone
  • Diane Keaton in Annie Hall
  • Sigourney Weaver in Alien
  • Natalie Portman in Black Swan
  • Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas
  • Faye Dunaway in Chinatown
  • Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation
  • Meryl Streep in The Deer Hunter

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Most anticipated albums of 2014

  • Fake Problems
  • The Horrors
  • Kanye West
  • The Gaslight Anthem
  • Run the Jewels
  • Fucked Up
  • Pianos Become the Teeth
  • Cold Cave
  • Wolves in the Throne Room
  • Pusha T
  • Frank Ocean
  • The War on Drugs
  • Brand New
  • Twin Shadow
  • Every Time I Die
  • Royal Headache